I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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