An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
