Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
