I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
