what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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