This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
