Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
