I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
