so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
