New invention idea: vibrating tampons
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
