The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
