Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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