just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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