im gay
i know
yea but for you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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