she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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