well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
