Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
