can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
