I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
