Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
