I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
