Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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