would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love accidental penises.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
