The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
