Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
