Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
