he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
