and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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