i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
