Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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