i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
