Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
