I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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