She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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