Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
