last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
