Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
