chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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