I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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