Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
