Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
