Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
