I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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