No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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