Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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