So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
