I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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