as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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