You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
