you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
